A friend forwarded the following to me a few months ago. Although the joke is at least a decade old, somehow I hadn't seen or heard it yet. Now whether these are real questions posted to a tourism website during the lead-up to the 2000 Summer Olympics in Sydney, or a rehash of xenophobic comedy reworked to suit any Olympics-hosting country and circulated broadly (as Snopes.com purports in an overly analytical discussion), it's pretty damn funny. Reportedly, the snarky responses are real as well. One can only hope.
Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain
TV, how do the plants grow?
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia?
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does
not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in
Kings Cross.....Come naked.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which
is... oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday
night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races.....Come naked.
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget
its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out
of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.
You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you
go out walking.
I wrote a poem for Homer and his chicken, Henny-Penny. When I lived in Homer's guesthouse earlier this year, and even though I grew tired of stepping in chickenpoo, I liked having Henny-Penny around. Her gentle clucking was strangely comforting, and she certainly kept Martha the Puppy entertained.
Anyway, I hope Homer likes the poem, despite its unfortunate ending. For the record, I bear no ill-will toward the chicken. Let's just call it poetic license.
The Tale of Henny-Penny
Henny-Penny went to town To have her tooth capped with a crown, (But Henny-Penny hadn't really any).
For Henny-Penny had eaten rocks, Mistaking them for Homer's socks, And heard a crack that made her quack, poor Henny!
While on her way to see the dentist (Or perhaps his handsome male hygienist), Henny-Penny felt her tummy rummy.
She stopped and bowed her head down low; She cocked her eyeballs to and fro And spied a lovely beetle lying fetal.
Without delay she took the plunge, And at the insect she did lunge, And with one peck did gobble up the bauble.
Alas, the truck she did not see, Nor realized that in the street she be! Poor Henny is now flat as any penny.