The Banal Chew

Sonnet of Equality

by Zane M.

 

Why can’t all people just be equal today?

If equality was in everyone’s space,

Then everyone would have a better day.

Equality would make the world a better place.

 

If everyone could just get along,

(Why is it so hard for people to understand?)

Then in this space not as much would go wrong.

If equality were there then we would expand.

 

With racism comes no equality.

With equality comes peace on earth.

There should be no wars or poverty.

Everyone should be raised together from birth.

 

Finding someone who believes in equality

Is like finding a needle in a stack of hay.

 

(Posted with permission from the author. Bribing helped, too. What's an extra hour of Xbox anyway?)

2011

Interesting number.  

If you are like me (god help you), you may remember how "space-age" the year 2011 seemed to be in, for example, 1978.  Following the brain drain of trying to work out how old I would be in that year, I used to think about what I might be doing at that point in my life.  More importantly, I imagined what I'd be wearing as I wended my way confidently from one automatic door to the next, the updraft accompanied by a perfect Star Trek whoosh and making my feathered hair self-fluff handsomely. 

And here it is, 2011. There are no Star Trek portals. The hair I used to engage with in a desperate battle of wills has long since fallen out. The sights I once set on my own education and career are now focused very differently.  

It's 2011, and the son that I doubted I'd ever have is growing up. In inverse proportion to the health of my parents, he is getting bigger, stronger and more independent than a frisky yearling.  Yesterday a child of 9, today a youngster of 13, tomorrow a man of 18 with a size-twelve foot and the appetite of a small nation. 

Last week, at our five-day tour of private boarding schools in snowy New England, Zane was transformed. He also showed colors we never thought he had. Gone was the dispassionate, practically mute boy we witnessed at a painful admissions interview with the Head of Secondary School at his private school in Sydney three years ago. In his place was an articulate, engaged and interested young man who quizzed his tour guide and admissions interviewer with a enthused spark.  Zane rose to the occasion.  While there were low moments--for example, walking across the Exeter campus in blizzard conditions, fighting off the flu, and once or twice just simply wishing he could shut down for a day--Zane kept his spirit fueled and did his very best...all we have ever asked of him. After all, this was a goal he set for himself. We're just his cheerleaders.

Applying to boarding school in the US was Zane's idea a couple of years ago.  When he approached us with the idea, Mark and I were still reeling (happily) from his exceptional performance in the GATE program in Tucson. We encouraged Zane to think long and hard about his willingness to do what it would take to try and make the cut to get into one of these schools. His grades, although good, would need to get better. His performance on standardized tests would need to improve dramatically. His self-initiative and determination tools would need some hefty sharpening. (And we would need a dumptruck full of money.) Zane was adamant of his goal, so Mark and I threw our weight behind him and provided the necessary encouraging, pushing, prodding and general kickassitude to help him make it up the hill. And make it he did.

Mark and I have no idea what Zane's real chances are. We see the numbers and statistics, and we get a little depressed, but that's the way with impersonal data. We saw Zane as a human. We saw a desire to succeed and a strength of character that startled us. We know that Zane worked hard for this, maybe not as hard as he will next year, should his current applications be unsuccessful, but he certainly proved to us (and himself) that he has what it takes to climb to the top. 

I reckon watching your kid take those pivotal steps from childhood to adulthood via that torturous path known as adolescence is one of the best things about parenting. I am proud of Zane. Whatever the outcome, we will always have this victory to remember together.

Daddy 'Mones

In a recent Utne article, it was reported that current research suggests fatherhood is good for the brain.  Apparently, some kind of chemical mystery occurs that makes dads more "canny and resourceful".  Hmm.  It caught my attention.

Then I realized that they're talking about the sperm donor.  I'm a stepfather, so I guess I'll remain uncanny and at a loss for what to do. 

Anyway, here's the statement.

Loving a woman and fathering her children changes a man’s body and brain in ways that make him more canny and resourceful, while improving his ability to handle stress. At the same time, living with the woman he loves alters a man’s hormones and neurochemistry to make him a better mate.

Upon reading this, I cannily and resourcefully walked over to the trashcan and hurled.  Sounds like a bunch of right-wing, fundamentalist-fueled (and funded?) work to me, used as grounds for anti-nontraditional-family propaganda.  The original research is headed up at the University of Virginia, arguably not a hotbed of diversity and progressive thought.

Anyway, I feel smarter having a kid in my life, but that's probably because I get to share my, ehem, vast knowledge and wisdom with him.  I have to admit, however, that I'm not sure about the increased ability to handle stress.  I'm still working on that.

Photo by Tom A., licensed under the Creative Commons

Our boy, Tolstoy

A Child and Parents
by Zane
Year 3 2006

Once upon a time there was a child and parents.  The child was called Alexi.  The dad was called Sandy and the mother was called Rhyll.  Once they went to a Kung Fu palace.

They went to the master.  He said, "What are you doing here?"  And Alexi got a metal bar and beat up the master.  And while he was doing this, he said, "Die!"

They all farted for ten minutes.  And they they said, "You hothead!"

And then they lived happily ever after.

THE END!

Schulaufgabe

During the course of getting ready for a 10-month move, I've spent many hours organizing Zane's life while sorting, weeding and packing.  When we moved into our Waterloo townhouse in early summer of 2006, Zane was ready to start Year 3.  Now's he's halfway through Year 6.  It's been fun getting him organized. 

One of my fondest memories will always be Zane sitting beside me in the attic a couple of days ago, helping me shuffle through reams of old homework to find those rare items of squeal-inducing [kid you not] memorabilia.  But watching his eyes light up as he reminisced about his experiences at the school we chose for him is half worth the money, often scarce as hen's teeth, shelled out for the tuition.  The other half will come when he's made something of himself after all this learning and maturing.  I won't be the nagging father, however.  Oh no, I'll just provide an encouraging nudge now and again. 

Here are two of my favorite items unearthed over the previous few days.

From a project on towers. Zane chose the Empire State Bldg.

-----------------------------

Prayer for the 21st Century
by Zane

May there be no wars.
May there be no greenhouse gases.
May there be more books.
May everyone be a hero.
May there be no bad people.
May everyone travel safe.
May everyone and everything be free.
May the world be full of peace.
May the world be quiet.
May everything in the world be free.
May there be no homework.
May there be no bullying.
May some people not be strict.
May people help the poor.
May people die from old age.
May everyone do what they want.

A Good Egg

President Obama has invited LGBT families to the White House Easter Egg Roll this year.

"We must do more to support and strengthen LGBT families. Because equality in relationship, family, and adoption rights is not some abstract principle; it's about whether millions of LGBT Americans can finally live lives marked by dignity and freedom."

Obama Presidential campaign speech, 2008

Pretty cool, indeed!

A Rose Is a Rose...

Mark and I are busy discussing the complexities of our son's secondary education.  He'll enter 7th grade next year, and in Australia, that marks the beginning of high school.  (For us Americans, that means no middle school or junior high...it's straight to high school.)  There are a number of options.  We could continue sending him to the private school he is currently attending, but I am growing increasingly wary of this institution and its curriculum design.  There are some good state schools out there, and yesterday he sat the selective schools exam to determine whether he would get placed in one of the top-tier public schools.  As with any parent, we just want him to have the best education available to him, all things considered.  It's a difficult decision.

While Mark and I were discussing the various options, some of which are pipe-dreams and some worst-case scenarios, the topic of St. Andrew's Anglican School came up.  I had glommed onto this idea of sending our son to an Anglican school when we first moved to Sydney and were exploring school options three years ago.  Having been involved with a number of Episcopal Churches in the U.S. during my 18 years as a church musician, I was excited about the prospect of sending our boy to a school that I felt was aligned with principles I could understand and relate to.  I had wonderful experiences with the Episcopal Church (the U.S. counterpart of the Anglican Church). It was so different from the stifling, rule-driven, homophobic Roman Catholic environment in which I had grown up.  The Episcopal churches I worked in were open, affirming and welcoming to all.  I felt loved, needed and wanted, both as a person and as a human.

Then I heard about the Anglican climate in Sydney, and was that ever a rude awakening.  The Sydney diocese of the Anglican Church is one of the most homophobic and bigoted environments with which I have ever come into contact.  But one need look no farther than its leader, the Most Rev. Dr. Peter Jensen, to see why.  Here's a quote of his from an ABC interview in 2003:

ABC: Do you concede that there has been injustice done [to gays and lesbians]?

PETER JENSEN: Oh, doubtless over the years, there has been.

ABC: But, I mean, in relation to this issue of same-sex unions and gay bishops within the Church?

PETER JENSEN: In that regard, no, I don't think so. I think folk have been put in a situation which they should never have been put in. Christian religion's a very awkward religion. It calls upon all of us to do things which are sort of against our own natural instincts and drives.

There are many folk I know, for example, who are heterosexual, who are, who would rather be married but who are not able to be married and, uh, who have to live without sexual expression in their lives. Others of us who are married, for one reason or another, can't have sex.

But the Christian religion calls upon us to live chastely. It's not a matter of homosexuality as such being condemned, it's the practice of sexual relations by homosexual people or heterosexual people, outside the rules that God's laid down.

Pardon my français, but WT ever-living F?  Is it really possible that a highly educated leader of such a large and powerful cultural institution could have been...and is still...so sociologically deficient? 

Those of you who know me well, know that my chief complaint against those who fear or decry homosexuals is the way these people cleave to the prurient, misguided notion that all it boils down to is what happens in the bedroom. The quicker these ignorant people realize that it's about living one's life with the freedom to love, the better off we'll all be.  The choice is which person, not which sex.  Why is that such a difficult concept?

Anyway, to return to the original discussion, Mark mentioned to me at dinner this evening that he'd just received word that St. Andrew's was now accepting Aboriginal students into its mainstream classes at the high-school level.  I gave him that blank stare, indicating that I had no idea what he was talking about.  Then he explained to me that a couple of years ago, St. Andrew's had begun taking Aboriginal children into the school, but isolated them to three floors of the same school building.  In other words, they were segregated from the rest of the students.  This new school was called "Gawura".  I don't care if it does have a different, "culturally sensitive" curriculum or bears an Aboriginal name.  They say it is part of the "closing the gap" scheme, but it's fancy segregation.  "Yeah, I know," says the corpulent, aging white man, "let's focus on  their education, but we'll make them social pariahs at the same time!" Oh yeah, that's socially enlightened and responsible.   

I'm surprised Mark didn't throw a glass of cold water in my face to snap me out of my wide-eyed stare of disbelief.  Disgusted, I had pretty much closed the lid and shut out the troubling, socially retarded entity that was the Sydney Anglican diocese a few years ago.  It was no wonder I hadn't heard of Gawura, the fancy name (and spin) they put on this institution of ethnic segregation.  But then Gawura's head of school came up with the idea for the school after spending some time in South Africa.  Hmm.  Fancy a game of tidy apartheid anyone?

So apparently students of high-school age are integrated into the main school at St. Andrew's.  No matter.  I think we'll be looking elsewhere for potential high schools. 

No way.  No how.

One final day

My last day in the U.S. for a while.  It's been a good one.

I met up with my good friend, M*, for a coffee this afternoon, and we had a nice long chat.  It was just like old times, discussing life, relationships...and now parenting!  I met M while I was living in Tucson about five years ago.  He was visiting from Germany, having quit his job there and spending a number of months sojourning throughout the U.S.  We struck up a friendship, and soon thereafter he met his current partner at roughly the same time I met Mark.  M and his partner have been together in Palm Springs ever since.  Before they met, M's partner had fathered twin girls via surrogacy.  So M was an instant stepfather, just like I was with Zane.  It is great to sit and chat about the joys and vagaries of international relationships and how great it is to be parents. 

*I'm protecting names for now, as M is only weeks away from getting his green card, and I don't want to risk anything getting in the way of that.  So no pictures either, although I took a really great one of him.  Let's just say he's a handsome one. 

This evening, a very exciting thing happened.  I had dinner with Kim, a former high-school friend of mine who now lives in the greater Palm Springs area.  Kim and I were part of a larger group of kids known as, for lack of a more creative moniker, the Gang.  (Pam was also a member of that group.)  It was swell reconnecting with Kim after all these years.  Like me, she's been a lot of places and done many things.  She seems happy and healthy.  I really hope we are able to keep in touch.

Tomorrow, I board a train, bus and two planes to eke my way back to Sydney.  I'm not looking forward to the journey, but I sure can't wait to see my hubby and boy again.  Not to mention all my friends, too.  It has been a terrific visit.  I have had the chance to, among other things, interview for a (potentially) wonderful job, spend my dad's birthday with him, be with my (not so) little brothers, reconnect with old friends and revisit old haunts.  It has been reaffirming and restorative, but I'm ready to be with my Australian family and friends again.  I'm a lucky man to have so many good people in my life, and in so many different places. 

Schwimmbad? Why, yes I do.

Zane has been requesting to do more sports activities lately.  This is a very good thing, as we all need to stay fit.  Besides that, sports can be a rewarding experience for kids, as long as they stay aware of the fact that it isn't all about winning.   That said, I think a little competitive spirit is healthy, but Zane has a propensity to go somewhat overboard in that regard.  We all do, perhaps.  (I am sitting nervously in my little glass house right now, for lord knows I grew up trying for as many awards as possible.) 

Mark and I are very keen to get Zane active in sports again, now that he's performed a dazzling about-face from where he was a couple of years ago, when it was difficult to get him to do much of anything except throw some kind of ball.  You can imagine our delight when Zane told us a few days ago that he'd like to get involved in both competitive swimming and rugby or soccer. Because he travels to Canberra every second weekend to stay with his mum, it has been difficult to find a soccer club or other team sport for him to join, as they usually have games every weekend.  We have recently heard that there is an indoor soccer team with games and practice sessions on weekday evenings, so this might be a good option for ball sport.

This morning, we took Zane to a swimming assessment for the Sydney University Youth Swim Squad.  He did very well, and according to the swimming observer, after a few weeks of focused training to improve his breaststroke foot- and legwork, he'll be ready for the squad.   

I love watching Zane swim.  Mark, too, for that matter.  I envy their extreme comfort in the water.  For whatever reason, swimming was not a part of my childhood experience, although now I wish it had been.  My sister and I both grew up with aquaphobia.  Mine wasn't nearly as bad.  At least I would get in the neighborhood swimming hole to flop around.  My poor sister, however, would only cautiously wade out into the shallow areas and couldn't bear the water coming anywhere near her face.  I remember my dad once tried to help her overcome her fear of water by picking her up and launching her into the pool when she was around 11 years old.  My God, what a failure.  I'm pretty sure they could hear her angry screams in Sweden.  I have no idea what my sister is like in the water now, but she and her family are members of a boat club.  I think that means she at least floats on the surface.  As for me, I'm quite comfortable in swimming pools now.  I suck at swimming, but I can manage...somewhat.  Large bodies of water still freak me out, and I won't swim in the ocean.  Just a mere, fleeting thought of the dreaded "R" word, and I'm ready to get as far away from any liquid as I can. 

That's okay, though.  With my white, genetically hairless legs, I look like a dork in swimmers anyway.

Grossartige Leistung

Zane's final assembly for the current school term took place this morning.  Again this year, he received an award.  Mark and I attended, as we always do, proud parents that we are.  I know Zane's mum would have liked to be there too, but unfortunately she lives in Canberra.  She'll get to congratulate him next week, however, as he is staying with her the first week of his 3-week mid-year school holiday.  But more on the award in a second.  First, a happy snap from the pre-assembly entertainment.  Seven-year-olds grooving to Beyoncé!  Who knew?

 

When we moved to Sydney we searched high and low for a school in which to place Zane.  We were not satisfied with the public education he'd received thus far, and decided to investigate private schools that we could hope to afford.  We also took into consideration that Zane had been moved around so much already (kindergarten in Canberra, half of 1st grade and half of 2nd in Tucson, and 2nd year again in Wollongong), and we wanted stability for him. 

The school we finally chose for Zane to attend is unique.  They employ a focus on languages, arts and academics.  Like all good Aussie schools, however, sports also play a big role in the children's education.  Mark, a champion athlete in school and now an amateur rugby player, has had a big imprint on his son.  Zane loves to play sport, and we did not want to diminish that enthusiasm, but balance it with other activities as well. 

The study of a second language is obligatory at Zane's school, as is study of a musical instrument and participation in ensemble playing.  I studied five languages throughout my own tenure as a student, so fortunately we have been able to save money on a language tutor.  Realizing it would be a tough haul to help the teachers bring Zane up to a level at which he can manage the nearly three hours of foreign language immersion per day, we chose German, my strongest language, for him to study.

His award today was for Effort in German.  Bravo, Zane!