The Banal Chew

Pepper Spraying Cop Meme

I'm not sure who originally created the Seurat-Pike parody, but in the spirit of the meme, I built upon it to come up with my own contribution. (click to enlarge)

Meme

Today, a meme, given to me by Tony the tagger.

7 Things About Me, Random and Weird (and mostly uninteresting)

1. During my senior year in high school, I fell asleep during my college-placement exams after staying up most of the night for the Homecoming Dance and after-party.  I managed to pull an academic scholarship, but I've always wondered how well I would have done, had I not missed answering a good chunk of the test.
2. In college, while I was studying historical voice performance practice, I won a talent contest singing the country song "Wind Beneath My Wings" (before Bette's version came out) and won enough money to pay for my trip to the Boston Early Music Festival.
3. I have three nipples.
4. A former partner and I had been together for over a year when we discovered during a conversation that we had both served as acolytes at the same church during the same time when we were kids.
5. I am a universal blood donor (O-Neg), that is, I would be if the Red Cross ever relaxed its discriminatory practice of barring gay men from giving blood. 
6. I won first place in a 4-H marksmanship competition when I was in 4th grade (with a BB gun).
7. The only time I have ever been deer hunting (when I was in my early teens), I waited until my dad, uncle and grandfather had gone off on their own, put down my rifle, and then crawled up in a tree to read a book all day until they returned.  I scrambled down when I heard them coming back, hid the book in my hunting vest and gave them the half-truth that I hadn't seen anything all day.

I don't tag, but do it if you wish.  It's kind of fun.

Flashback Friday

It's been a while, but Flashback Friday has returned.

For the occasion, I've created a meme.  (I don't chain them, but feel free to copy to your own blog, if you'd like.  Be sure to leave me a comment to let me know you did, so I can go check out your answers!)

If it's possible for you to remember the following events, in 15 words or fewer, describe your experience with them.

1. The assassination of Robert Kennedy.
   Playing on the floor at Grandma's. She was crying while she ironed.
2. The stroke of midnight on the first day of Year 2000.
   Watched on TV all the people who had traveled so far to celebrate. Wondered why.
3. You first saw/heard your mother cry.
   My heart sank. I thought the world was ending.
4. A teacher falsely accused you of something.
   4th grade. Mrs. Dimmit said I swore, but I didn't...dammit! 500-words, please.
5. The Challenger space shuttle tragedy.
   My voice lesson interrupted by phone call from teacher's wife. He went pale. Lesson canceled.
6. You bought your first piece of designer anything.
   A lavender, Polo Ralph Lauren oxford cloth button-down shirt. Mmmhmm.
7. The first time you heard a) Little Red Corvette, b) Billie Jean, or c) Material Girl.
   LRC -- at Zippers, a gay nightclub in Tulsa, Oklahoma.
8. You first fell in love.
   Arrived home; found person I was dating wearing only an apron, cooking my birthday dinner.
9. You walked out of a movie.
   300 -- okay, I shut down the DVD player, but I would have walked out anyway.
10. The Chernobyl disaster.
    Too self-absorbed during college, but rekindled memories of high-school protests following Three Mile Island accident.
11. A beloved idol disappointed you.
    Heard Fleetwood Mac live, and regretted it. One word for you, Stevie: intonation!
12. You first questioned the truth behind whatever religion you were brought up with.
    Looking at the propagandistic illustrations of black stains on one's soul in my catechism text.
13. The first time anyone asked you to dance.
    At Zippers, while Little Red Corvette was playing. I said yes.
14. You suffered your first broken bone.
    Around five years ago; caught little toe on Roger's dog crate while rushing to rehearsal.
15. The first time you heard the word "blog".
    From Homer, some years ago while hanging out with him during my Tucson days.

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Oops.  I forgot yesterday.  Here are the answers to Tuesday's puzzles:

The lines are parallel.  Something about white boxes next to black ones creating an optical illusion...eh, I don't know.

Dane stain
snail trail
heart smart
party hardy
Gromit vomit
Lean queen-zine

Meme's that game

I haven't done this in ages, but I saw a meme at Tony's that I thought might be a fun way to spend a few minutes.  Apologies if it was much more interesting to put together than it is to read.

1. What is in the back seat of your car right now? Roger's travel blanket and a Sydney street directory that pretty much just languishes, now that we have GPS navigators on our Nokia phones
2. When was the last time you threw up? The day before my doctoral graduation in Arizona, December 2006. Mark and I had both come down with a bad stomach virus. It was so bad I had to wear an adult diaper to my graduation...just in case. (Thankfully, it went unused.)
3. What's your favorite curse word? Reetkever ("ass beatle" in Dutch)
4. Name 3 people who made you smile today? Mark, Zane and Tony
5. What were you doing at 8 a.m. this morning? Teleconferencing
6. What were you doing 30 minutes ago? Skyping
7. Where were you born? Wichita, Kansas
8. Have you ever been to a strip club? Yes, years ago in Vancouver
9. What is the last thing you said aloud? "Thanks for the Wii game, guys."
10. What is the best ice cream flavor? Coconut sorbet, if that counts
11. What was the last thing you had to drink? a homemade Americano
12. What are you wearing right now? Old pair of cargo shorts & one of my favorite vintage shirts I got in the mecca of second-hand clothing stores (Tucson)
13. What was the last thing you ate? Leftovers from the fridge 
14. Have you bought any new clothes this week? No
15. Where were you last? Downstairs playing Wii with Zane & Pete
16. What's the last sporting event you watched? Australian Open
17. Who won? Unsure; only watched for a few minutes
18. Who is the last person you sent a comment/message on Facebook? Homer
19. Ever go camping? Sure do
20. Where do you live? Sydney, New South Wales
21. What song are you listening to? the Keane/Interpol/HerSpaceHoliday playlist on my iPod
22. Do you have a tan? Probably, a slight one
23. Do you drink your soda from a straw? No
24. What did your last text message say? "At work now"
25. Who's your best friends? that's too difficult to narrow down
26. What are you doing tomorrow? spending time with the boys
27. Where is your mom right now? at her home, probably getting ready for bed, considering the time difference
28. Look to your right, what do you see? Roger sleeping beside me; beyond that, rain hitting the window
29. What color is your watch? Silver metal band, metallic-lt. brown square face.
30. What do you think of when you think of Australia? flip-flops, beaches & how much I want my family to come visit me here.
31. Ever ridden on a roller coaster? Love 'em!
32. What is your birthstone? There are a few for October, but tourmaline is my favorite
33. Do you go in at a fast-food place or just hit the drive through? Go in, as it's usually  stopping point on a long car trip
34. What is your favorite number? 8
35. Do you have a dog? Sure do; see #28.
36. Last person you talked to on the phone? Deano, inviting me for coffee...gotta hurry!
37. Have you met anyone famous? Bill Clinton
38. Any plans today? wait for my work laptop to get fixed, work when it is
39. How many states have you lived in? 8 in the US, 1 in Australia (and 1 province in Canada and 1 province in The Netherlands)
40. Ever go to college? Many times
41. Where are you right now? Bedroom
42. Biggest annoyance in your life right now? Getting older
43. Are you in love with someone right now? Sure am
44. Are you allergic to anything? Aspirin
45. Favorite pair of shoes? my suede Ted Bakers
46. Are you jealous of anyone? Yes, anyone working full-time in music in Australia
47. Is anyone jealous of you? Dunno
48. Do any of your friends have children? Yes
49. Do you eat healthy? Yes
50. What do you usually do during the day? Weekdays: work (from home); weekends: spend time with family/friends
51. Do you hate anyone right now? I try very hard not to feel that emotion
52. Do you use the word 'hello' daily? Yes
53. How old will you be turning on your next birthday? 46 (reetkever!)
54. Have you ever been to Six Flags? Yes
    
55. How did you get one of your scars (if you have any)? From totaling our family car when I was a teenager.
    

A List

I saw the following meme at TJ's blog and was drawn to it.  You highlight in boldface those things that you have done during your life.  I won't tag, because um, I learned my lesson.

I think what I find most interesting about this particular meme is what people haven't done.  There are definitely a few I'd like to before I'm sprinkled on the pine grove.

I have:

1. Bought everyone in the pub/bar a drink
2. Climbed a mountain
3. Held a tarantula
4. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
5. Been in love
6. Broken someone's heart
7. Had my heart broken
8. Done a striptease
9. Bungee jumped
10. Watched a lightning storm at sea
11. Stayed up all night long, and watched the sun rise
12. Seen the Northern Lights
13. Gone to a huge sports game
14. Grown and eaten my own vegetables
15. Slept under the stars
16. Changed a baby's diaper
17. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
18. Watched a meteor shower
19. Gotten drunk on champagne
20. Given money to charity
21. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
22. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
23. Had a food fight
24. Bet on a winning horse
25. Taken a sick day when I wasn't ill
26. Had a snowball fight
27. Photocopied my butt or any other intimate body part
28. Held a lamb
29. Gone skinny dipping
30. Taken an ice cold shower
31. Seen a total eclipse
32. Ridden a roller coaster
33. Hit a home run
34. Been arrested
35. Visited all 50 states
36. Taken care of someone who was shit faced
37. Stolen a street/highway sign
38. Backpacked in Europe
39. Taken a road-trip
40. Taken a midnight walk on the beach
41. Gone sky diving
42. Milked a cow
43. Alphabetized my records/CDs
44. Sung karaoke
45. Lounged around in bed all day
46. Gone scuba diving
47. Danced in the rain
48. Gone to a drive-in theater
49. Started a business
50. Gotten married
51. Been in a movie
52. Crashed a party
53. Gotten divorced
54. Had sex at the office
55. Made cookies from scratch
56. Gotten a tattoo
57. Been on television
58. Had sex a public place
59. Got so drunk I don't remember anything
60. Recorded music
61. Had a one-night stand
62. Bought a house
63. Shaved or waxed off my pubic hair
64.  Been on a cruise ship
65. Spoken more than one language fluently
66. Bounced a check
67. Called or written my Congressperson
68. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
69. Sung loudly by myself in the car
70. Written articles for a large publication
71. Piloted an airplane
72. Helped an animal give birth
73. Been fired or laid off from a job
74. Won money on a TV game show
75. Broken a bone
76. Ridden a motorcycle
77. Had a body part below the neck pierced
78. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
79. Ridden a horse
80. Had major surgery
81. Had sex on a moving train
82. Slept through an entire flight: takeoff, flight, and landing
83. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
84. Visited all 7 continents
85. Eaten sushi
86. Had my picture in the newspaper
87. Parasailed
88. Changed my name
89. Dyed my hair
90. Been a DJ

I've Been Tagged!

I got tagged by Glenn, and this time dammit, I'm gonna respond with an unwarped sense of punctuality.

8 things (I'm pretty sure) nobody (I know) knows about me

Once, in early pubescence, I was playing volleyball at the lake with some people I didn't know.  I wore my favorite swimmers, a pair of tight, sky-blue, square-cut swimshorts with a blue and white striped band around the high-hitting waistline.   I loved these shorts and wore them all the time, even as I began to outgrow them...which I was, apparently, for the crotch was certainly not made for growing adolescents.  After the game, I walked back to where my family were perched on the lakeshore.  Feeling something unusual, I glanced down.  To my profound horror and embarrassment, my lily-white nuts were stuck on top of the blue fabric like a fried egg in a Dr. Seuss illustration. Somehow, probably during the course of the volleyball romp, they had worked their way through a small rip in the crotchline and had popped their heads out for a glimpse of the outside world.  Suddenly, I remembered being slightly confused about how funny some of the folks on the other side of the net had found the game. I just thought they were drunk or high. Little did I know they were laughing at my rocks.

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I was a pyromaniac as a little kid.  I cracked the toilet bowl in our scullery (we called it the utility room) by setting a paper grocery bag on fire, and when it got out of control I threw it in the toilet.  Jesus, it burned hotly, like my passion for James Caan would in a couple of years.

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Although I have been a performer for over 20 years, I used to suffer from stage fright to an almost paralyzing degree.  People never really knew, saying I always looked so calm.  That's probably because I was paralyzed.  A couple of times it got so bad that in the minute or so before I was to begin my solo, song or aria, my throat constricted and I nearly fainted from panic.  Somehow, it always cleared up during the final few seconds and I was able to get on with it.  I still get nervous, but no longer to that point. 

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I have a third nipple.  Oh wait, I wrote about that in my blog already.  Rats. 

Okay then, I come up in an Amazon.com name search (my legal name, that is).  Like I'm famous.

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I have never cried about my paternal grandmother's death.  I think I was all cried out by watching her slow demise from Alzheimers, or whatever the real senile dementia was that turned her from a vibrant, loving woman with an amazing, undiscovered soprano voice into a small, helpless, white-haired husk who spoke, laughed and wailed like an infant.  She really must be in a better place, so I smile now, although I miss her terribly.

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I once caught a partner (not saying who) biting his toenails while watching Oprah.  I quietly tiptoed away and had a slug of vodka, or two.

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I very often laugh about this one morning when Mark, Zane and I were camping with friends.  I really can't divulge details, but there were no musical instruments involved.  You know what I'm talking about, Mark. 

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The one time I went deer hunting while growing up in Arkansas, I crawled up in a big oak and sat cradled in its branches the entire cold, wet, drizzly day.  As a young buck, I desperately wanted to be included in some male bonding experiences, but I didn't want to shoot anything.  And I certainly didn't have the nerve to tell Dad or Grandpa that.  We all split up to hunt on our own, so no one knew.  I explained the lack of used ammo by telling them I didn't see a thing all day.  But I did practice my lines for the school play, and I was awesome, thank you very much.

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A few years ago, I fell in love with a married Afghani cab driver in Tucson. No, not in that way. You see, I was temporarily blind while healing from my LASEK procedure, and I was feeling incredibly helpless. Mark was in Australia, and the buddy who was to look after me during my immediate follow-up visits to the ophthalmologist lost his calendar or something. When he didn't show to take me to the Doc's the day after the surgery (and, by the way, the pain was nearly unbearable), I was at a loss as to what to do. Because I was completely blind, I couldn't see the numbers on my cell phone to call anyone, and no one was picking up at the one or two landlines I knew by heart. I decided to call a cab to take me the 20 miles to my appointment, but I realized I had no cash in my wallet.  Of course, I couldn't see to use the ATM. I spent nearly $20 on directory assistance getting numbers for cab companies and finally found one that would take credit cards. The cab driver who showed up was simply beautiful...at least in my mind. He escorted me from my door to his cab, helped me in and out, took my hand and walked me all the way to the reception area on the 5th floor of the building, and then he waited for me at no extra charge during my appointment. I got some good drugs while I was there.  I was so high by the time he got me back home I was ready to marry him. He declined, however, stating he was flattered but that his wife and three children might object. I agreed and opted simply to tip him...heartily.

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I never responded to Brian's meme in May.  Sorry, Brian.  I feel bad about that, but the only reason I didn't do it was that I didn't know other bloggers with whom to pay it forward.  (Still don't, but you'll see at the end of this post that I am trying to deal with that.)  For those of you counting, you'll see I added two items (including this one) to the meme.  That's to try and make up for being a slacker.

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A relatively new blogger, I (still) don't know all that many people to tag with this meme, but I'll go with the following people. Sorry if I don't know you well enough to realize you're on the Do-Not-Tag registry.  Anyway, if you're keen, my pals, please describe eight things that no one knows about you and post it in your blog.  Then tag some other folks.  Here we go:  Kevin, Patrick, TigerY, Adam, Theresa, E and Rod.