On Tuesday night, I waited up until 11pm to teleconference in on a full staff meeting held by the company that I have enjoyed working with for nearly 11 years. By the time I connected, the CEO had started and I heard the dreadful words "reduction in force" and "this will be hard for many of you, as you will lose coworkers with whom you may have worked for many years." My heart sank. As a remote worker, I have always known that, even though I am the only person who does what I do for this company, the ground on which I walk might be softer than some. My fears were realized. Within 5 minutes of that phone call, I was laid off. My connection with a family of people and with a vision of changing the face of healthcare--a connection that has been an integral part of my life for over a decade now--was severed. I was cut off, effective immediately.
In a daze, I stood up from the computer desk in the finished attic space that was to be my work-from-home nook. Passing my wonderful fiancé on the way to the stairway, I stopped to watch him sleeping. A mild snore found its way to the surface from the bottom of his peaceful sleep. I looked at my beautiful man as he slumbered away the second day of his exciting new job, the reason for our move to Melbourne. How would I break this news to him, when all I wanted was for him to celebrate his accomplishment and new success? On the heels of my release from the choir position a couple of weeks ago, something we are all still reeling from, how could I possibly share another defeat? What was going on? I shrugged off a difficult chill and continued downstairs.
I opened Zane's door and found him deeply asleep, as well. In the same contorted sleeping position he has assumed since his early childhood, he looked so calm. What would he think? For years, he has heard Mark and me rue the fact that I cannot find decent work in the field of music, my area of training and expertise. But now I've been let go from my dayjob. Great. Another reason to feel like Sandy is a loser. Again, I snapped out of the downward spiral and left his room, shutting the door quietly on my way out.
On the sofa, drinking wine and watching Legally Blonde to try and wipe the drear from my mind, I, too, eventually fell asleep. Or I passed out. I didn't really care. I just wanted to stop all conscious thought and let Morpheus do his thing. Whatever it was that summoned him had worked. For that, I was thankful.